Stars Gather in 'Downtown' Milky Way. Our demise is out there somewhere. Eyeballing us. Image credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech

The Aliens Are Coming – The 1991 VG Alien Probe

1991 VG is 10-metre object on a heliocentric (earth-like) orbit. It made a close approach to the Earth in 1991 December. It is coming back in 2017, or thereabouts. With its return we will see out new overlords, at least according to some whackos.

The interesting thing about 1991 VG is that it was not discovered until a month before perigee (the point at which its trajectory is closest to Earth) with the Spacewatch telescope at Kitt Peak. In astronomical terms, it crept up on us, and leapt out shouting “Boo!”.

Kitt Peak by FLickr User Monsterweare. Used here under a Creative Commons licence.

It was discovered by James V. Scotti in 1991. Four years later, it was proposed as being of potential alien origin by Duncan Steel, “a research astronomer at the Anglo-Australian Observatory and a research fellow at the University of Adelaide, Australia”, a man whose name and job titles together make him sound like a Clive Cussler stereotyped character. Clearly his opinions, however absolutely batshit they seem, are to be taken seriously; really seriously, as in stroke your beard and tug your glasses-style seriously.

According to a later “interpretation” of Dr Steel “Its Earth-like orbit and observations of rapid brightness fluctuations argued for it being an artificial body rather than an asteroid. None of the handful of man-made rocket bodies left in heliocentric orbits during the space age have purely gravitational orbits returning to the Earth at that time. In addition, the small perigee distance observed might be interpreted as an indicator of a controlled rather than a random encounter with the Earth, and thus it might be argued that 1991 VG is a candidate as an alien probe observed in the vicinity of our planet.”

In essence what we are being told here is that because it is shiny, and compounded by the fact that it came close to us, then it was probably sent by aliens. Flawless reasoning.

Dr Steel’s proxy, unencumbered by scientific caution, goes on to suggest that there is a possibility of the object being controlled.

To be fair, in the original article by Dr Steel that started it all, he does end the article by saying his hunch is that its some junk left by us. We leave our rubbish out and then get frightened by it. Humans, who’d ‘ave ‘em?

Be Afraid

The loonies have taken the idea and run with it. They propose it is a Bracewell Probe, a hypothetical device whose existence the crazies are so sure of that it has an actual name. Bracewell probes were first suggested in the 1960s when the world got ahead of itself and wondered how we would communicate between our far-flung colonies. Now they are used by aliens spying on us, like someone looking in the window while we shower.

The aliens have found us. The party’s over.

Wait a Second…

New information has come to light in recent years. Small things, it turns out, spin faster, and lots of things have been found with earth-like orbits. So its probably just a rock. The spinning accounts for the fluctuating reflected light and the sun has a strong gravitational pull, making things (like the Earth) go around it.

Pouring More Water on the Aliens

A similar object, named SG344, once properly investigated, was found to be an asteroid; as can be seen from NASA’s photography, if you are trained to understand such astronomical imagery.

Bibliography
Duncan Steel dropping science; “The above has been intended to provide prima facie evidence that 1991 VG is a candidate alien artifact”
Once more, straight from the horse’s mouth. Duncan Steel tries to frighten the shit out of us all.
Centauri Dreams – looking forward to expanding our horizons
Wikipedia entry for 1991 VG
The masses specualte wildly, based largely on their partial information and willful misreadings.
NASA says 1991 VG is probably not going to hit us. Phew.
The Anomalist discusses 1991 VG (with greater reverence than here)
ADS Astronomy Entry for 1991 VG at Harvard
Downtown Loonyville. 1991 VG is discussed in an unexplained mysteries forum, including such appeals to common sense and logic as: “I prefer to believe that Unidentified Craft are likely time-travelers/extra-dimensional beings/Secret Ops/earthly-origin”.

Original content created by: The Inquisition

Progress is a fact in every human endeavour. Cars are getting faster, or at least more efficient. Bicycle manufacturers are making them ever lighter. Records have ever greater sound depths and fidelity. Make-up is making us ever more beautiful. Well, in a way…

Tho-Radia tin, prominently displaying the quasi medical name, Dr Alfred Curie

Recently there have been several scares in the predominantly pseudo-scientific beauty industry – poisoned breasts, faces contaminated with nano-particles and infected, burnt-off faces. Scientists are crying out to help.

But how about harnessing the vivacious power of radiation?

Sounds enticing doesn’t it? Imagine immersing your entire being in an invisible radioactive haze. You could peel off untold layers of skin, to reveal the beautiful, young skin underneath. You could invigorate yourself from the inside out. Radioactive substances were used for all manner of consumer goods, as shown in this slideshow from Environmental Graffiti, but beauty products, topically applied, must be among the most concerning.

Until the 1930s, Tho-Radia was a french face cream fortified with both thorium and radium. Much like Clarins’ Rashid Enamany, Tho-Radia had its own fictional boffin; Dr Alfred Curie had no links to the discoverers of radiation.

Similar creams were marketed to women from a very early point in the last century. This was the beginning of the scientification (The Inquisition’s word) of the beauty industry. Claims went from simple beautification to the safe removal of birthmarks!

Why stop at creams?

Women could buy, at inflated costs, lipsticks, soaps, lotions, foods and more. Men were also looked after in this brave new world.

Equally pleasant to any of the women’s products was The Scrotal Radiendocrinator. Any man looking to restore reproductive function could employ this irradiated scrotum soak. Anyone stupid enough to do so should have applied it to their head instead.

Alternatively, they may also have been interested in Vita Radium Suppositories. After a 15 day course the men of Colorado, where it was produced, would have noticed remarkable changes.

All manner of ingestions were possible to receive the benefits of radiation. Radithor was a concentrated radium tonic. Eben Byers was a well known playboy and an amateur golf champion. He consumed 4 fluid ounces (approx 100ml) of it every day. He died in 1932 racked with anemia, a brain abscess and with a putrid, decaying jaw. Lovely.

Anyone looking to irradiate themselves ought to seek protection – especially for repeated exposure. Unfortunately, even mild doses of radiation are way beyond the frankly wild protective remit of Clarins Expertise 3p.

All of this questions how people still fall for the claims made by the cosmetics industry. Scientists have always brought on board to reinforce these claims, but do those creams really make you look ten years younger? Really? And do the scientists accept the limits of their knowledge – are these products not just effective but safe?

Consumers are easily swayed in a society which places the highest emphasis on physical beauty. After all, that little pot of cream might just work…

Update

Check out this infographic which shows dodgy chemicals still have a place in cosmetics.

Bibliography
Environmental Graffiti Slideshow
Radium cream advertising
Radior Product Shot
New York Times on irradiated beauty products
Quackometer on CLarins E3P
A chemist questions some products’ claims
Invented chemical ingredients
The Scotsman
Pseudoscience
Nano-particles described in the Telegraph
Multiple Exposures – Chronicles of the Radiation Age, Catherine Caulfield, Harper & Row, 1989
Trafficking Materials and Gendered Experimental Practices: Radium Research in Early 20th Century Vienna, Maria Rentetzi, Columbia University Press, 2007 (http://www.gutenberg-e.org/rentetzi/chapter01.html)

Original content created by: The Inquisition