Stars Gather in 'Downtown' Milky Way. Our demise is out there somewhere. Eyeballing us. Image credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech

The Aliens Are Coming – The 1991 VG Alien Probe

1991 VG is 10-metre object on a heliocentric (earth-like) orbit. It made a close approach to the Earth in 1991 December. It is coming back in 2017, or thereabouts. With its return we will see out new overlords, at least according to some whackos.

The interesting thing about 1991 VG is that it was not discovered until a month before perigee (the point at which its trajectory is closest to Earth) with the Spacewatch telescope at Kitt Peak. In astronomical terms, it crept up on us, and leapt out shouting “Boo!”.

Kitt Peak by FLickr User Monsterweare. Used here under a Creative Commons licence.

It was discovered by James V. Scotti in 1991. Four years later, it was proposed as being of potential alien origin by Duncan Steel, “a research astronomer at the Anglo-Australian Observatory and a research fellow at the University of Adelaide, Australia”, a man whose name and job titles together make him sound like a Clive Cussler stereotyped character. Clearly his opinions, however absolutely batshit they seem, are to be taken seriously; really seriously, as in stroke your beard and tug your glasses-style seriously.

According to a later “interpretation” of Dr Steel “Its Earth-like orbit and observations of rapid brightness fluctuations argued for it being an artificial body rather than an asteroid. None of the handful of man-made rocket bodies left in heliocentric orbits during the space age have purely gravitational orbits returning to the Earth at that time. In addition, the small perigee distance observed might be interpreted as an indicator of a controlled rather than a random encounter with the Earth, and thus it might be argued that 1991 VG is a candidate as an alien probe observed in the vicinity of our planet.”

In essence what we are being told here is that because it is shiny, and compounded by the fact that it came close to us, then it was probably sent by aliens. Flawless reasoning.

Dr Steel’s proxy, unencumbered by scientific caution, goes on to suggest that there is a possibility of the object being controlled.

To be fair, in the original article by Dr Steel that started it all, he does end the article by saying his hunch is that its some junk left by us. We leave our rubbish out and then get frightened by it. Humans, who’d ‘ave ‘em?

Be Afraid

The loonies have taken the idea and run with it. They propose it is a Bracewell Probe, a hypothetical device whose existence the crazies are so sure of that it has an actual name. Bracewell probes were first suggested in the 1960s when the world got ahead of itself and wondered how we would communicate between our far-flung colonies. Now they are used by aliens spying on us, like someone looking in the window while we shower.

The aliens have found us. The party’s over.

Wait a Second…

New information has come to light in recent years. Small things, it turns out, spin faster, and lots of things have been found with earth-like orbits. So its probably just a rock. The spinning accounts for the fluctuating reflected light and the sun has a strong gravitational pull, making things (like the Earth) go around it.

Pouring More Water on the Aliens

A similar object, named SG344, once properly investigated, was found to be an asteroid; as can be seen from NASA’s photography, if you are trained to understand such astronomical imagery.

Bibliography
Duncan Steel dropping science; “The above has been intended to provide prima facie evidence that 1991 VG is a candidate alien artifact”
Once more, straight from the horse’s mouth. Duncan Steel tries to frighten the shit out of us all.
Centauri Dreams – looking forward to expanding our horizons
Wikipedia entry for 1991 VG
The masses specualte wildly, based largely on their partial information and willful misreadings.
NASA says 1991 VG is probably not going to hit us. Phew.
The Anomalist discusses 1991 VG (with greater reverence than here)
ADS Astronomy Entry for 1991 VG at Harvard
Downtown Loonyville. 1991 VG is discussed in an unexplained mysteries forum, including such appeals to common sense and logic as: “I prefer to believe that Unidentified Craft are likely time-travelers/extra-dimensional beings/Secret Ops/earthly-origin”.

Original content created by: The Inquisition

The most famous Blemmy of all - The Dolph Lundgrenophagus, both terrifying and strangely alluring

The Blemmys, or Blemmyae, were a genuine historical Nubian tribe, who may gradually have become demonised and fictionalised. Successive writers metaphorically removed their heads and shifted their faces to their chests, until they became fantastic headless humanoids, most often seen in medieval bestiaries and fantasies.

Blemmyae brought to the global stage

Blemmyae found resurgent fame in early English colonialism. Sir Walter Raleigh flounced back to civilisation from his travels among the uncouth and savage Amazonian residents describing them to his peers as having “their eyes in their shoulders, and their mouths in the middle of their breasts”.

We would assume that anyone hearing those reports must have questioned their veracity, as they would have been familiar with these traditionally fictitious and quasi-human forms. Today’s equivalent would be astronauts returning from Mars reporting a series of uber-mensch wearing tight shiny clothing with red capes and their underpants on the outside. Why not throw in the facts that they carry a mortal fear of green crystal and they all go around sporting heavily greased quiffs? We simply would not believe it.

A Blemmy featured in The Nuremburg Chronicle

Nonetheless, William Shakespeare lapped up this stuff, and cogged it in Othello, and thereby muddied the mythological waters:
“And of the Canniabals that each other eat,
The Anthropophagi, and men whose heads
Do grow beneath their shoulders.”

Unsurprisingly, Shakepeare’s writing confused many at the time, and since. The mythic cannibalistic race, the Anthropophagi have consistently been confused with, and as a result interchangeable with Blemmyae; ie they have eaten people and had their heads submerged into their chests.

At least there is some consensus – Shakespeare is indeed inexact and confusing, and not just for students.

The Anthropophagi were earlier referred to by Herodotus and he did so in an equally interchangeable manner with the Blemmyae. The former were reported to be cannibals who wore their victims’ scalps bound to their chests. This may have been the genesis for the idea of beings with heads on their chests.

Approximately 500 years later in 75CE, Pliny cleared the air in his Naturalis Historiae, if inventing mythical beasts can be said to be clearing up anything, “It is said that the Blemmyae have no heads and that their mouth and eyes are put in their chests.”

So Walter Raleigh’s claims of headless humanoids, to be fair to him, did not come from nowhere. There was a certain traceable lineage of Blemmyae appearing in literature, particularly travellers’ tales and natural histories.

Most recently Umberto Eco had a fantastic image of a Blemmy in his book, Baudolino, “Then Baudolino offered him a large piece of cheese. The blemmy put it to his mouth, which suddenly became the same size as the cheese, which vanished into that hole.”

Bibliography
Baudolino
Naturalis Historiae by Pliny
Blemmyes – the factual, historical, bona fide tribe
Blemmyes – the factual, historical, bona fide mythical creatures
Baudolino, Umberto Eco, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2002
Anthropophagi
The Travels of Sir John Mandeville fantstic tales of a fictional traveller
The City of Z, David Grann, Simon & Schuster, 2009

Original content created by: The Inquisition