Progress is a fact in every human endeavour. Cars are getting faster, or at least more efficient. Bicycle manufacturers are making them ever lighter. Records have ever greater sound depths and fidelity. Make-up is making us ever more beautiful. Well, in a way…

Tho-Radia tin, prominently displaying the quasi medical name, Dr Alfred Curie

Recently there have been several scares in the predominantly pseudo-scientific beauty industry – poisoned breasts, faces contaminated with nano-particles and infected, burnt-off faces. Scientists are crying out to help.

But how about harnessing the vivacious power of radiation?

Sounds enticing doesn’t it? Imagine immersing your entire being in an invisible radioactive haze. You could peel off untold layers of skin, to reveal the beautiful, young skin underneath. You could invigorate yourself from the inside out. Radioactive substances were used for all manner of consumer goods, as shown in this slideshow from Environmental Graffiti, but beauty products, topically applied, must be among the most concerning.

Until the 1930s, Tho-Radia was a french face cream fortified with both thorium and radium. Much like Clarins’ Rashid Enamany, Tho-Radia had its own fictional boffin; Dr Alfred Curie had no links to the discoverers of radiation.

Similar creams were marketed to women from a very early point in the last century. This was the beginning of the scientification (The Inquisition’s word) of the beauty industry. Claims went from simple beautification to the safe removal of birthmarks!

Why stop at creams?

Women could buy, at inflated costs, lipsticks, soaps, lotions, foods and more. Men were also looked after in this brave new world.

Equally pleasant to any of the women’s products was The Scrotal Radiendocrinator. Any man looking to restore reproductive function could employ this irradiated scrotum soak. Anyone stupid enough to do so should have applied it to their head instead.

Alternatively, they may also have been interested in Vita Radium Suppositories. After a 15 day course the men of Colorado, where it was produced, would have noticed remarkable changes.

All manner of ingestions were possible to receive the benefits of radiation. Radithor was a concentrated radium tonic. Eben Byers was a well known playboy and an amateur golf champion. He consumed 4 fluid ounces (approx 100ml) of it every day. He died in 1932 racked with anemia, a brain abscess and with a putrid, decaying jaw. Lovely.

Anyone looking to irradiate themselves ought to seek protection – especially for repeated exposure. Unfortunately, even mild doses of radiation are way beyond the frankly wild protective remit of Clarins Expertise 3p.

All of this questions how people still fall for the claims made by the cosmetics industry. Scientists have always brought on board to reinforce these claims, but do those creams really make you look ten years younger? Really? And do the scientists accept the limits of their knowledge – are these products not just effective but safe?

Consumers are easily swayed in a society which places the highest emphasis on physical beauty. After all, that little pot of cream might just work…

Update

Check out this infographic which shows dodgy chemicals still have a place in cosmetics.

Bibliography
Environmental Graffiti Slideshow
Radium cream advertising
Radior Product Shot
New York Times on irradiated beauty products
Quackometer on CLarins E3P
A chemist questions some products’ claims
Invented chemical ingredients
The Scotsman
Pseudoscience
Nano-particles described in the Telegraph
Multiple Exposures – Chronicles of the Radiation Age, Catherine Caulfield, Harper & Row, 1989
Trafficking Materials and Gendered Experimental Practices: Radium Research in Early 20th Century Vienna, Maria Rentetzi, Columbia University Press, 2007 (http://www.gutenberg-e.org/rentetzi/chapter01.html)

Original content created by: The Inquisition

Buon appetito!

First of all a word of warning: As this is baked and then topped this is technically a flat bread, but it will be eaten and enjoyed as a (deliciously crispy) pizza. So think of it in that way.

Writing a recipe is a slight departure for the Inquisition, but an exception can be made in this case. This is a very easy introduction to pizza making and is ridiculously tasty.

Only the best ingredients will do - parmigiano and serrano

Ingredients:

A word of warning – this is a very simple cucina povera-style dish. It will sink or swim depending on your choice of ingredients, so don’t skimp!

Base (makes 4 pizzas)

• 7g Fast-acting dry yeast
• 200g strong white flour
• 100g plain flour
• 325ml warm water
• teaspoon salt
• table spoon of soft brown sugar

Topping

• Marinated semi-sundried tomatoes
• good quality prosciutto or serrano ham thinly sliced
• Parmesan
• 300g Baby Rocket Leaves

Oven

• Preheat a fan assisted oven to 230c

Making the Base

We all have our own preferred ways to make pizza bases, this is the Inquisition’s, but feel free to use your own.

Pour the yeast into the water and mix well. Leave for 5 minutes. In the meantime mix all the other dry ingredients in a large bowl. Pour the water/yeast mix into the centre of the bowl, using a fork to stir it in. Bring all the flour mix into this to create al large loose doughy ball. You may need to add some more warm water, but not too much.

Lightly flour a clean flat work area and put the ball on the surface. Make sure your hands are dry and jewellery removed. Give them a dusting of flour too. The next ten minutes are going to be therapeutic and repetitive. You will simply fold the dough and press down upon it, until the consistency becomes “springy” and even. Fold from the far right, press down, fold from the far left and press down. This ensures evenness.

When the dough has been sufficiently worked place it back into the bowl and cover with a dishcloth for half an hour. Then when it has grown, remove it and knock it back. This is simply the same fold and press down a few times. Be careful – too much work at this point will make the dough dense and heavy.

The Magic

The key to this pizza is its difference to others – it will have an almost totally baked base BEFORE adding toppings.

Oatmeal keeps the base, dry, crisp and crunchy

Prepare your baking trays. The Inquisition does this by getting a heavy baking tray (this heats the base from beneath too, ensuring a nice crusty base) and, if necessary, lining it with aluminium foil. Sprinkled over this is pinhead oatmeal which is nice and crunchy, but mainly used to prevent the base sticking tot he foil.

Halfway house

Separate your dough ball into 4. Again flour your work surface and a rolling pin. Roll each ball as flat as you can. Now bounce the prongs of a fork lightly all over the top to pierce the surface. Transfer the base to a prepared tray. Brush a thin coating of olive oil across the base and spread a few tomatoes around the base, grinding pepper over it. Place in the oven for between 4 and 7 minutes. Keep an eye on it, the exact time will depend on its proximity to the heating element, the amount of oil used, the precision of the oven’s thermometer and the alignment of the planets.

The Toppings

This is the simplest part. Remove the pre-cooked base and lower the oven temperature to 180c. Pile up lots of washed and thoroughly dried rocket leaves. Put three slices of prosciutto per pizza and grate parmesan over it. Grind plenty of pepper on this and return the pizza to the cooled oven. It will be ready as your parmesan is just beginning to melt. If you leave it any longer, your rocket will lose its crispiness, an essential part of the pizza’s luxury.

Based on the Work of:
For reference this based on pizza recipes from the Inquisition’s two favourite TV chefs (the only two that are actually watched) Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. See their books below for more pizza genius:
Jamie’s Italy, Jamie Oliver, Michael Joseph, 2005
The River Cottage Fish Book, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and Nick Fisher, Bloomsbury, 2008

Original content created by: The Inquisition